Facing My Fears and Conquering My Dreams

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      I just launched my web store and if you been following me on social media you already knew this was coming, however all my announcements might had told you that I been very confident about becoming a boss mom, but the true is I doubted myself every step on the way.  For years I had know

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Photo by: @genesislopez

that I was not born to be bossed by someone else, especially after living in Virginia for almost three years.  Over there the struggle to get a job and not worrying about the where I was going to leave my children at  took every drop of mental energy I could had.  I could spend days when the only sitting down talk with them I would have was the time I was driving to any of my destinations (daycare, school or work).  All of this was for what… to be treated like shit by my bosses (I do give hands up to a very few that make the difference, hi Mrs. Morgan and Mr.Dan) and having a smaller check that what really supposed to.  But the fear, the struggle, the need of money took the    best of me when it comes to stepping up.

     Right when I had a great business idea and started to work on it and get out of my misery I found out I was pregnant with my third child and I decided to (very last minute) move back to PR.  Now, two years and a half later I had finally opened my business and started the big dream I had for the last 13 years of my life (yes, I knew I wanted my business since I was 18).  But the journey has not been easy and I had lacked, fight with my inner self and struggle in believing on myself.  Still, until yesterday when I got my web store live I doubted myself every second it took me to go pick my iPad, open the app, search for the settings and pressing LIVE.  “What am I doing? Who the hell I think I am? Is this going to work? Am I ridiculous for doing this? I mean, I am good right now working for my parents … and my sister (I clean apartments, which I admit is really good deam pay and my bills are on POINT!!!) why the hell I want to get myself in all this work? I mean you name all the questions I could make to myself every day for the last two and a half year, especially yesterday when the big moment was coming.

     But I overcome all of those doubt and I finally open my store.  But what help me to do this? How did I open my business with a few bucks? How I did it all alone? Well the first thing that helped me was reading books, lots and lots of books. But not just any books, I make sure that every book that I read is about self groth, making a business, being a boss, being successful, managing money, I mean, everything that will keep me motivated and give me the right tools to fight every doubt that will pass on my mind.  By example I read a book “Millionaire Success Habits” and one chapter was about the inner villain.  This made me open my eyes and see how I let the villain win all my battles all my life and how I created a negative story about myself all my life.  This chapter has stayed in my heart and helps me to recognize every time a negative thought cross my mind and how I can fight it and change it with a positive one.

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I traveled to New York city all alone (did meet my bestie over there) to face some of my fears and have a taste of what traveling would feel like if i work hard on creating my business.  Can i go back like … now please!!!

   I started meditation so I could learn to stop thinking and keep my mind on blank every time I felt stressful and started to think negative thoughts.  Having a clear mind help me to start over with a positive affirmation and push thru on creating my business.  I started a journal where I would only write about things that  I am grateful for, write down positive things about my day and write my goals.  This helped me a lot to stay on a positive path and go back to previous pages every time I felt like giving up.  I follow every successful woman or business on social media and only focus on those stories, watching regular people posts about negativity and complaining about everything that happens to them only brings negative vibes, I only wanted feeds about success, I wanted ideas on how I could thrive as a business woman, I wanted ideas for my business, I wanted to learn how to be a boss.

      A big problem I had is that I knew nothing about creating a business, about creating a website, about email marketing, about social media marketing and many other things.  I knew I did not had the money to hire all the people I needed for my business and people will not want to work for free for one or two months.  So I had to learn everything by myself, I had to google, to youtube, to buy books and take any free webinar that was out there to learn.  I learned to create a website and how to make it work, all by myself, it took me over a year to get the full vibe, but now I can work on it and edit whatever I need in just a few seconds.  I took a social media marketing seminar of five classes (took every cent of my paycheck, but worth it) to learn a little about social media and how I could work my business social media platforms (still not very good at it, but I am working on it girl).  I had worked my ass off on learning everything I can to create this business and because I know I haven’t had any expect hand on every step my business had taken I had doubted everything I had done, but every time I had a doubt I faced it and challenged that fear by doing exactly what I was afraid off.

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Celebrating the birth of my bussiness with an unexpected guess that wanted the cake badly.  Photo by @genesislopez

     Yesterday, all the doubts came to my mind in a second, right when I was about to press LIVE all the things that are still wrong about my website pop up, “Holy crap I did not added the new pictures! I did not add the new mugs! Does it look professional? Does it look trust worthy? What if I don’t sell anything in the first months?…  Does my social media page look good? What I could d had done better?

     The questioning kept going on and on, but with all my doubts I clicked that LIVE button and said the hell I am going to do this.  You see, I realized that the reason that has taken me so long to create my business had been doubt and questioning everything I had done.  There is always an excuse, oh I don’t have a webpage, or I don’t have a professional camera, I don’t have this or that… and I stay waiting to have those things, but the problem with this is that as soon I get that thing…the web page, the camera, etc. there is something new that is missing and needs to get done.  I decided that having something done is  better than having nothing done at all and that I rather start low than never start at all.

     I still have a lot of work to do and my business still need a few things to be great, but I am aware of it and I will address it, while, I am proud of what I done and enjoy this moment right now.  I will enjoy the fact that I did it, my business had been created and I had learned so much about myself that I only need to be proud of myself and own my boss mom title very high.  Not everything is like it looks like on social media, fear is a bitch and it is there fucking our lives every day.  It is up to us to face that fear and slay that bitch and thrive.  I am enjoining every step of my carrier and I am the happiest I had ever been and I want you to know that every time you question yourself, face it, answer that negative question and then twist it with a positive solution and KEEP GOING!

You can check my web at:

www.myfitsteph.myshopify.com

MYFITSTEPH

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